More answers to eternal questions

The question is rearing its ugly head again.

WHY ME?!?!

Why am I making farely good choices? Why am I not screwing up my life? I refuse to believe that it's just because I am a good person, I make good choices, I am not fucked up.

No

Because if I say that, I am also saying that I am better than people I consider my best friends. I'm better than Sarah because I haven't done THAT or I'm better than Eddie because I haven't done THAT or Joy is better than me because she hasn't done THAT.

So where does that leave me? I've decided that I believe it is because God is protecting me, that He has a plan for my life and somehow, me being somewhat "pure" fits perfectly into that.

So why is protecting ME from those choices, but not some of my friends?

Because I am a masterpiece. I am different than my friends, and they are different from me. My "ministry" was, is, and is going to be different than anybody elses. My relationship with God was, is, and is going to be different than anybody elses.

I left church early today, partly because I was sick. Partly because I don't believe that I am a masterpiece, and I didn't want to hear it anymore. I don't deserve to be the song that He creates, works with, adds to, takes away from.

I walked into church thinking how horrible I am for raising my hands, singing these songs. Because I haven't been doing that during the week. I haven't had the relationship with God I've needed. I haven't worshipped Him as He deserves. So I sit up in the front, raise my hands, and appear to be the good christian girl that everyone thinks I am.

When in reality, I am a broken and messed up song, in desperate need for God's voice to heal me and create something beautiful. The only reason He hasn't met that need is because I have put up my hand, telling him to stop.

By the way, you are already beautiful

Thanks. I don't believe it, but thanks

Then you call Me a lier

Oh. I just don't know how to believe it! I look at myself and I see failure, mistakes, humanity.

I see that too. But I also see who that is shaping you into. I see who I created you to be. I see myself reflected off of you

How can You see Yourself reflected off me? How can you see the Creator of the Universe, the Savior of the world, the Everlasting God in ME!?

Because you are created in My image. Nothing can change that. You are and always will be created in My image

"Hundred"

The how I cant recall
But im staring at
What once was the wall
Separating east and west
Now they meet admidst
The broad daylight
So this is where you are
And this is where I am
Somewhere between
Unsure and a hundred
Its hard I must confess
Im banking on the rest to clear away
Cause we have spoken everything
Everything short of I love
You right where you are
From right where I am
Somewhere between
Unsure and a hundred
And who's to say its wrong
And who's to say that its not right
Where we should be for now
So this is where you are
And this is where I am
So this is where you are
And this is where ive been
Somewhere between
Unsure and a hundred

~The Fray~