Unexpected...
It's amazing how God can speak through people no matter how they are doing in life. He can speak through me even my I feel like I'm lower than anything. He can speak through people who aren't saved. He can speak through friends. He speak through people that are on the other side of the world.
Which brings me to my point. Tabitha wrote me and told me to read Luke 10:38-42. To understand why this was significant I must begin the story at a different point.
I have been thinking about taking a break from ministry. Ministry has consumed my life since I was 12. I've taught sunday school, played piano for worship teams, led worship, worked with the youth group, and done two internships. I have realized I do not know how to be a christian apart from church. That's not healthy. My relationship with God HAS to be center, and personal. It cannot be maintained through other people.
I was a little unsure of this decision such as when it was officially going to happen, and I do not want to say on the internet when exactly it will be. But I do know when I will do it now. After reading Luke 10:38-42 I started crying. It's the story of Mary and Martha having Jesus over to their house. Mary is sitting at Jesus' feet while Martha is doing all the work. When Martha complained, Jesus said that it was Mary that was doing what He wanted her to do.
That is where I am. I'm working too hard to really commit to my relationship with God. I've been praying because I'm praying for people, not myself. I've grown closer to God because He has put people in my life to help, not because I know His love for me.
Thanks for reading. It's nice to let feelings out every once in a while and let people know what's going on.
Which brings me to my point. Tabitha wrote me and told me to read Luke 10:38-42. To understand why this was significant I must begin the story at a different point.
I have been thinking about taking a break from ministry. Ministry has consumed my life since I was 12. I've taught sunday school, played piano for worship teams, led worship, worked with the youth group, and done two internships. I have realized I do not know how to be a christian apart from church. That's not healthy. My relationship with God HAS to be center, and personal. It cannot be maintained through other people.
I was a little unsure of this decision such as when it was officially going to happen, and I do not want to say on the internet when exactly it will be. But I do know when I will do it now. After reading Luke 10:38-42 I started crying. It's the story of Mary and Martha having Jesus over to their house. Mary is sitting at Jesus' feet while Martha is doing all the work. When Martha complained, Jesus said that it was Mary that was doing what He wanted her to do.
That is where I am. I'm working too hard to really commit to my relationship with God. I've been praying because I'm praying for people, not myself. I've grown closer to God because He has put people in my life to help, not because I know His love for me.
Thanks for reading. It's nice to let feelings out every once in a while and let people know what's going on.
posted by Nikki | 9:31 AM
2 Comments:
we need to be closer friends because of this. like, STAT. i love u nikki.
this is why we need to become closer and more regular friends. the accountability and encouragement is so something that as a spiritually hungry person, you crave constantly. because when it's all said and done, show's over, everything- it's the friends that you pour out on that keep you going. i love you. nikki.<3
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