the weekend, good stuff

I complain about having nothing to do. I complain about all my friends leaving. But when I have a chance to go and do something, I decline, and sit at home, doing almost nothing. Lonliness is how I start a downward spiral. But I've realized that it's a choice. I don't have to be lonely if I don't want to be. But, like me and Joy have talked about, it's too easy to hold on to our chains. It's too easy to take back the things that we've given to God.

But I had a good weekend. Friday night was Sarah's birthday party and we saw Pirates 2. Good movie, but the ending sucked, because it wasn't really an ending! Then the next morning we watched the neverending story (yeah, for a 20th birthday party, go figure!). We went to Owen's beach after that, and I was at the point that I couldn't be with a group of people. Even though there were only 4 of us, it still somehow stressed me out. I was in the mood to be one on one. And I hadn't taken a shower that morning yet, so I felt gross. I was off in my own little world, not adding to any conversation...especially the one about church. I tried to stay out of it for the most part. I did give one little sentence thought, but then I was done. Then I went home, took a cold shower, and called Joy to see if she wanted to hang out. I thought it was just gonna be a short little hang out time. It ended up being about 6 hours. We went the energy conservation plant (I think that's what it is) on Grandview, hung out there in the little bit of shade we had. Then went to applebees. Then we went back to her house, talked to her "house mom" then chatted with Anne on the phone. I didn't get home until 11. Then on the way home I this weird feeling of lonliness came on me. I didn't get it. It was like I was back in september, wanting to party because I felt out of place, and supposedly that helped me find acceptance.

I still have a lot to learn