He is bigger than my problems will ever be

I realized something about myself today. I'm not doing as well as I thought I was. I knew I wasn't doing well, but I realize now I'm doing worse. Being depressed hurts a lot. and when you self medicate it makes it worse. I knew that already and I did it anyway. I knew it wasn't going to solve my problems but it sure did make them go away for a couple hours. But the problems hid, feeding off the self medication in silence and secrecy. Once the effects faded, the problems came back out, ready to torment me.

I'm bigger than those problems will ever be
Why would I choose to make such a stupid decision? Why don't I remember that You are totally in control of my problems and will take care of them? I know that in my mind....I don't yet know that in my heart. How does it get there?
Prayer. Fasting. I will give you direction but there's too much of you in the way.
Yeah. You told me that yesterday and I chose to run the other direction instead of following You. Starting today, I make the choice. I'm going to turn the other direction and run as fast as I can towards what You want me to do. And I will fast and pray to know that direction. Starting today.
My mercies are new every morning. Today is no different.