Unexpected...

It's amazing how God can speak through people no matter how they are doing in life. He can speak through me even my I feel like I'm lower than anything. He can speak through people who aren't saved. He can speak through friends. He speak through people that are on the other side of the world.

Which brings me to my point. Tabitha wrote me and told me to read Luke 10:38-42. To understand why this was significant I must begin the story at a different point.

I have been thinking about taking a break from ministry. Ministry has consumed my life since I was 12. I've taught sunday school, played piano for worship teams, led worship, worked with the youth group, and done two internships. I have realized I do not know how to be a christian apart from church. That's not healthy. My relationship with God HAS to be center, and personal. It cannot be maintained through other people.

I was a little unsure of this decision such as when it was officially going to happen, and I do not want to say on the internet when exactly it will be. But I do know when I will do it now. After reading Luke 10:38-42 I started crying. It's the story of Mary and Martha having Jesus over to their house. Mary is sitting at Jesus' feet while Martha is doing all the work. When Martha complained, Jesus said that it was Mary that was doing what He wanted her to do.

That is where I am. I'm working too hard to really commit to my relationship with God. I've been praying because I'm praying for people, not myself. I've grown closer to God because He has put people in my life to help, not because I know His love for me.

Thanks for reading. It's nice to let feelings out every once in a while and let people know what's going on.

I hate nostalgia

and sometimes

I hate dreaming of the future

I can't believe I've had this cd for years and haven't actually thoguht about the lyrics to this song

You gotta be out there

You gotta be somewhere

Wherever you are

I’m waiting…

Cause there are these nights when

I sing myself to sleep

And I’m hoping my dreams bring

You close to me

Are you listening?

Hear me I’m crying out

I’m ready now

Turn my world upside down

Find me

I’m lost inside this crowd

It’s getting loud

I need you to see

I’m screaming for you to please

Hear me

Can you hear me?

I used to be scared of

Letting someone in

But it gets so lonely

Being on my own

With no one to talk to and

No one to hold me

I’m not always strong

Oh I need you here

Are you listening?

I’m restless and wild

I fall but I try

I need someone to understand

(Can you hear me?)

I’m lost in my thoughts

And baby I’ve fought

For all that I’ve got

Can you hear me?

crazy week

Last week was amazing as I have said already and I wouldn't take it back for the world. But I'm feeling the consequences now. I'm exhausted, spiritually drained, and I have a bit of a headache and stomach ache. The weather should help all of this...it's supposed to be blazing hot today, tomorrow, and thursday. I love it! I'm going to spend as much time as possible out in the sun, laying out at Owen's Beach, Ruston Way, and Grandview. I need the rest! I need the relaxation! I need to hang out with friends and do absolutely nothing. I need to watch the stars at midnight on the waterfront. I need to drive the 5 mile drive with music blaring and screaming at the top of my lungs. I need to wake up with Jesus.

The amazing thing is, through all my crap, God is still good; He still speaks; He still does miracles; He still loves me.

best week ever

This last week has been amazing! For the 4th I went to Wild Waves with Kassy, photos coming soon to myspace and facebook. Friday night I went out with Sarah for her 21st, photos coming soon. Yesterday morning I went to my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary celebration where they rededicated their vows. And the beach, photos coming soon.

Basically last week was the best week of the summer so far!