contemplating life at 10:30 am over egg nog ice cream

yesterday I did a lot of hanging out with people other than my school friends. Why? cause my school friends are all at home getting stuffed with turkey. Why am I not? well, I live close enough to my parents that I don't have to sleep over there, I just stay at South hall. which is extremely empty by the way. I realized *again* that I will be very very sad when I leave these people. I know I will be too busy and the only people that I will hang out with are the people I see regularly: work friends. Not the most uplifting of friends. What am I gonna do with out my boys that treat me respectful? The guys that hug me because they love me. The guys that see things in me and call them out. The girls that I will miss I will still be seeing on a regular basis, hopefully. Except for Anne who will be in MN.

I can try to tell myself and others that this is not a goodbye but in a way it is. I will not make grand promises that I will come back every week. I will not say that I will call all the time. So here's to Eddie, Austin, Brandon, Amanda, Joy, Anne, Tabitha, Reggie, Eric. I love you all.

whirlwind weekend

I think I'm doing pretty good. That might be a sign that I'm not. But after the weekend I've had, and improvement feels good. How good? SOOOOO good!

Friday night - "started".

Saturday morning - worked at the gig harbor YMCA. Felt faint and dizzy.

Saturday afternoon - drove to Belfair to hang out with the ignite crew at their retreat.

Saturday night - heard a really good teaching on relationships and drove home. almost fell asleep. once I actually got in bed, closed my eyes and felt extremely dizzy.

Sunday morning - went to church. it was good.

Sunday afternoon - was super tired. Took Naomi home and put her to bed while Elisa was at a meeting with Kaj. Fell asleep to Keith Urban doing an acoustic concert on tv. Basically heaven.

Sunday night - hung out with Elisa, went to the ordination. it was awkward.

Monday morning - worked super early.

Monday afternoon - tried to do some homework, did not feel good.

Monday night - went to work at the gig harbor YMCA. Came home and got a migraine. Never had one before.

Tuesday morning - head still hurt, but not as bad as the night before.

Tuesday afternoon - skipped my last class to take a nap because there was no way I was going through one more class with the headache I had. Got up from my nap and my headache was gone.

Tuesday night - went to Ignite and had a stomach ache. slept from 12:30 to 4 am.

Wednesday morning - went to work really early and felt better.



I made new friends this weekend. Holly and Ali. You two are freaking amazing. they probably don't read this, but whatev. Oh, the other thing that happened this weekend/beginning of this week is that I'm insane and I tend to be attracted to multiple guys all at once. It's amazing. and by amazing I mean terrible

I should be doing homework but I feel like writing

I love talking with people who are okay with being single. I love talking to people who are happy when I say that I won't get married until *after* I'm 25.

I went to coffee with a friend today who said she probably won't get married until she's 35. Not because of anything but the fact that she likes being single. It's refreshing to hear that. Yes, I have my moments of wanting to be with someone, especially the person I like at the moment. But it's kind of a fantasy world. When I think about being in a relationship, it's all about the fun stuff. I don't really think about the bad stuff about a relationship and when I do think about it, I cringe, not wanting one.

Someday I'm sure I will be in a great relationship. But right now, I don't know who I am. I'm close to stepping into a full time job that will take 60 hours of my week. I need to get established there. I need to take time being single after college to figure out *me*. The love story will be written, just not right now.

To be honest, I'm a little tired of people expecting me to be in a serious relationship very soon. I'm okay with going on dates. Free dinner with a cute guy? I'm all for it! I'm just not interested in something long term. I like focusing on my friendships. Friendships with guys change when you are in a serious relationship. I like my guy friends. I want to keep them the way they are right now.

As I say all this, in the back of my mind, of course I'm thinking of *him*. I just don't want to put so much energy into trying to get him to like me or showing him that I like him. It takes too much energy right now, and it also takes a chance that our friendship will be ruined. I like our friendship. It's safe right now. I like safe.

So there are my thoughts of the day. Homework is somewhat beckoning me. Tomorrow: skipping first class because the teacher isn't going to be there, second class is cancelled, so I only have one class! I might just sleep in!

my thanksgiving plans...

Two research papers are due on november 20th: two days before thanksgiving. I'm going to pass out on thanksgiving.

My full plan: go to sleep the night before at 9 or 10. Sleep til 10 or 11. Watch a movie. Take Anne (hopefully) to Omi's. Eat lots of turkey. Make an appearance at my dad's. Eat lots of PIE. Go home at 7 or 8. go to sleep at 9 or 10.

dude I'm stoked. I love thanksgiving!

I like...

....songs that make me cry

....songs that inspire me

....people who inspire me

....a certain boy who doesn't know it

....sappy love stories

....playing the piano

....singing my little heart out

....good lyrics to good songs

....my best friends

....good photography

....crying

....being myself around people who like me for who I am

....friends who love me, no matter what shit goes down

....my mom

after a month or so of trying to fight all these crazy colds going around, I finally succumbed to the pressure. My throat hurts, my nose is stuffy, etc. Nothing I can't live with. Nothing I have to call in to work for. But I am skipping my last class of the day. Maybe take a nap before I go to my dad's.

airborne is amazing. pink grapefruit airborne is amazing.

and it's my dad's birthday today. Happy birthday!