Puyallup Fair
Switchfoot
Wednesday, September 13
I'm totally going
Who wants to go with me?
I have class until 1:30, then we can go and hang out at the fair, then go to the show

I'm uber excited!

the challenges of life....

I've reached the breaking point
Will I actually go through with it this time?
Will I actually quit?
Or will it be like all the other times that I have *said* that I will
But I never do

I'm pretty sure this is what God is telling me to do: quit the easy thing, take the harder path, take that leap of faith. The job I have is safe. It's easy. I'm good at it. And yet no one else knows that. Politics has pushed me to the ground and let people step on me, get above me, those who haven't given so much of themselves to their job as I have. I done enough. My era is over. It's time for me to move on. It's time for me to grow up.

but
it's
so
hard

I hate growing up.

mmmm...mashed potatoes from a box

I really have nothing to write. But I'm on my lunch break at work, and I have nothing to do....other than eat. Hence, the mashed potatoes title.

Okay, now I have something.

At youth group, something struck me as an interesting thought. Pastor Mark was talking about God loving us so much that He sent His only Son, etc. He talked about how there used to have to be sacrifice after sacrifice, every single day because God needed the spilling of blood to cover sins. Then I thought about how Jesus came to fulfill the Law. And then remembering that the Law is there to show us that we are imperfect. So the Law, in effect, is still there to show that. But the punishment, such as death to someone who steals a cow, does not need to be there anymore, because Jesus already fulfilled the punishment on Himself by dying on the cross.

Random nugget from Nikki.

Or as the Blonde Geniuses call me: Nikqckkci....kinda like Niquecia...haha I have a ghetto superstar nickname. You are all jealous, I'm sure.

summer...quite boring when a bunch of friends are gone

I think it's super when I typed up a bunch of stuff then lose it all. and when i'm tired and i don't really know what I was writing.

All in all, summer sucks, I'm bored, but I work about 45 hours a week, I miss my roomate, I almost called Samuel and then realized that he is in MON-freaking-TANA, and the sacred romance is a good read.

that would be the down-low of what I can remember from my post. I lost it because I tried to do spell check on the word "thouroughly." And I still don't know if I'm spelling it right.

the impulsivity continues

I am now an adult. I have a car payment, an accident and a ticket under my belt, a rent payment, 4 jobs, NO money, getting a college degree, etc.

The lowdown on my car:
Ford
Focus
2006
Gold
CD player
AC
perfect for putting little ones in the back
see, I'm thinking ahead!

So I have bought a car, using my dad's credit, cause it's absolutely AMAZING! and mine is not so much, I guess. It's only because i have barely any credit. I have to say though, it makes me feel bad. No one I know that is my age has a nice new car. My dad didn't buy a brand new car till he was 30. What am I doing? It's done though. the papers are signed, the keys are in my hands. There's no turning back. I'm going to be working my butt off to pay my lovely new car off. 6 years. 72 months. And if I pay extra every month, it'll be 4 or 5 years till I get it paid off. whoop-dee-do ......sense the sarcasm..... Now don't get me wrong, I love this purchase, and I am proud of myself for going through with it. Besides, my dad was sitting right next to me during this whole process. He's got a lot more wisdom than I do, and I try to take it when I can.

No regrets. That's my motto. I can't regret getting in a car accident. I can't regret buying a new car. I can't regret all the stupidity I find myself in from time to time. No regrets, only learning experiences. What can I learn from these things? God uses all of them for good. It's not just a cliche to me anymore. I've learned through my experiences that, yes, God does use things for good. It's interesting to me that you don't really learn things, unless you experience them. Book learning really does nothing unless experience, hands-on learning is also present. Maybe that's why music learning is so great for kids. You learn the theory WHILE experiencing the music in your own fingers, voice, breath, etc.

To wrap it up, reading the Bible is a must, but it doesn't really sink in unless you experience it. On the opposite side, if you experience something, and the book learning hasn't happened, it doesn't sink in. Experiential learning and intellectual learning HAVE to go hand in hand.

and now I will step off my soap box

I wrote the previous post before I actually did the impulsive thing, so I wanted to wait till I actually did it before I said I did!

I got my hair cut.

I was excitedly going home to straighten it.

then I got in an accident.

Yes, I'm okay, no the car is not okay, yes I'm getting a new car......

what a day

I wrote the previous post before I actually did the impulsive thing, so I wanted to wait till I actually did it before I said I did!

I got my hair cut.

I was excitedly going home to straighten it.

then I got in an accident.

Yes, I'm okay, no the car is not okay, yes I'm getting a new car....any other questions?

I decided to use this as a learning opportunity. While talking to Sarah, I realized that sometimes I have the tendency to think that I am better than other people. Somehow, my ego has gotten way too big. Through mistakes like these, I remember that I am human, just like everyone else. Humbling is a good thing, but a hard thing. 1 Peter 5:6,7 made me laugh at myself! Read it, I don't have it handy right now.

Looking back on it, if I could have planned out an accident, this would have been an ideal situation. The lady I hit (yes, it was my fault, I rear-ended her) was the nicest lady. After I talked to my mom on the phone I started to cry, and she gave me a big hug! Then the police officers were super nice too. They didn't give me a ticket, and they told me that it's a natural thing to cry after getting in an accident. They weren't domineering, they weren't rude about anything! They just explained everything, finished their report, and went on their way.

So there. I can never say that I have never gotten a ticket or been in an accident. Life happens. I need to move on. This afternoon I'm going car shopping with my dad. Hopefully it won't be too emotional, and hopefully he won't be a jerk (even though I know he wants the best for me). Next time you see me I may have a new car!

I love being impulsive............

Can school start soon?

Please?

when I fall, I bring Your name down, but I have found in You a heart that bleeds forgiveness

Some day I will learn to let God satisfy me
Some day I will learn how to communicate my problems, not just run away
Some day I will teach my kids the lessons I learned the hard way
Some day I will learn from my mistakes

but if I keep looking ahead, I will never cherish where I am now. Cherish. Last night I would have never used that word. But I use it now. I am going to cherish the seasons of my life as I go through them.

You take me back, always
Even when my fight is over now
You take me back, always
Even when my pain is coming through

post metalness

Here I am, after piercings, my nose is naked!

The scar....and the cool necklace

I can't feel it!!! It's gone!

Look at my beautiful smile!

Another shot of the scar

ministry, my darkest nightmare come true

Here I am, in Pastor Mark's office. My flesh screams at me, reminding me that I promised never to be involved in ministry. My flesh says "why the HELL are you at a church office at 12:30 at night, working for free with a headache after 5 hours of paid work which was exhausting?" But my spirit says that somehow, somewhere, I'm building God's kingdom on earth. Some day I will see the fruit of this. If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be doing this. It is that belief, not in myself, not in ministries, but the belief in God that keeps me going.

Tonight I had a conversation that was eye opening yet depressing. I was talking about wanting to party with Sarah, and the guy I was talking to said "isn't she super christian?" What the frick does that mean? Super christian? The person I was talking to professes to be a christian as well. We won't go into whether he is or not, because that's for God to decide. Anyway, a christian calling another christian "super" means that there are varying levels of christianity. There are the ones that drink and the ones that don't. There are the missionary types, and the stay at home on sundays types. We seem to forget that what it means to be a christian is that we have accepted the gift of grace God has freely given us. I am no more a sinner than Pastor Tom is. I am no less a sinner than my friend I was talking to. I am loved by God, forgiven forever. I fail, but like I've said before, you can't succeed without failure once in a while. You can't be human without failure. I will accept my successes and failures just the same. I will accept my stupid choices and my wise choices.

This is why I am in ministry. Because I was a sinner and now I am saved by grace. A bunch of cliches, I know. But when they sink in and become truth, they are more powerful than any other words you could choose to use. I wish everyone to feel the freedom that I have come to be a part of. The more I see others become free, the more free I become.

I'm rambling. It's late. My mind is not working as it should. This'll be a great summer.....